Do You Know How to Win a Good Relationship and Maintain It?


It is possible to assume that when you "win" having a good relationship you would like to continue experiencing it as a good one. In other words – you would like to "win" your partner and relationship time and again.

This is no wonder: winning a good relationship means, it gives you a good feeling about the relationship as well as about yourself for being able to win such a relationship. You will then do your best to "repeat" your success – to "prove" to yourself that you have indeed "won" a great relationship. Therefore, you will be doing your best to develop and maintain it as good as you can. To mitigate when need be; to engage with mutual give & take; to communicate with your partner in ways which reduce conflicts and increase the feeling of toghereness.

Your success motivates you to do whatever you can to continue having a great relationship!

But do you know how to do it? Do you know to ensure that you maintain a good, successful intelligence?

Many have good intentions but lack the "know-how". It is either that they did not have good examples to follow, or that something in their character sabotages their good will, or both.

Many also think they know how to maintain a good relationship. For example, they think that by telling the other how to behave; by controlling their partner; by making all decisions, they ensure the happiness of themselves as well as of their partners.

But the truth is, behaving that way is a sure way to ruin the relationship. No partner would want to other one to be dominant to the point of controlling each and every aspect of the relationship (and his / her life).

The opposite to the dominant behavior is the submissive one: there are those who believe that in order to maintain a good relationship that they need to be submissive; giving 100% to their partner and to the relationship; to let their partner make all decisions about everything; to love and pamper their partner as much as they can.

They may have good intentions, but once again, such a behavior may turn their partners away from them.

In both cases, both the dominant one and the submissive one, there may be reasons for the person behaving the way he / she does: messages that received at home; examples they have seen at home; the society's ways-of-conduct they have been brought up in; their characters; self-esteem (or lack of); their perception of relationships, and so on and so forth.

Without being aware of the reasons driving them to make the way they do (needing to exert power; being too needy, etc.), they may perceive their behavior as one which enables them to maintain a good relationship, without realizing that the opposite is true: no one likes to be dominant all the time; and no ones likes to have an intimate relationship with one who is too submissive. Indeed, there are those who love being dominant as well as there are those who prefer to be submissive, but in most cases a good balance and mutuality is a foundation of a good relationship.

So, if you want to maintain a good relationship, you need to become aware of your behavioral patterns; of the ways in which you sabotage the relationship – often unconsciously – and of the reasons which drive you to have the way you do. These are the first steps in making changes which will enable you to maintain a satisfying intimacy.

Source by Doron Gil, Ph.D.


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